I’ve been working on a personal project for the past couple months and I’ve realized that I really do love programming. Which sucks. Because I’ve been wanting to quit programming ever since I got into it. I feel like my life goes through these phases where I feel like I’ve struggled enough, I’ve given this career an honest try and maybe it’s time for something else. It happened in high school, it happened in college, and it’s happening now.
But then I have no idea what I want to do. All I want to do is program and solve problems. It sucks because I really want to be working in something I enjoy, but also don’t believe that I’m any good at and it’s really affecting my self-esteem.
I often daydream about what my life will be like in 5 years and how I’ve pulled myself together and am conquering real life problems. But it keeps me from the present, in which I’m less satisfied in.
On the plus side, the project I’m working on has been pretty frustrating. I love that. There’s something so satisfying about being frustrated at something and working through it and solving it. It’s a type of masochism that programmers go through, I suppose.
PS. I also worry that by complaining so much, I sound like I want to be pitied. Has blogging become so self-censored? I want to write my feelings, but I also don’t want to give off the wrong impression. Ugh.